This is me on April 21, 2016. The doctor had just told me that I was diabetic. Not my best moment…

I was about to throw up or pass out from so much pain. That’s what the IV was for: Pain meds. Not the Diabetes.

So why was I in the hospital?

Back pain. Seriously.

As I leaned back in bed the previous night, I experienced a screech-worthy pain in my low back. My husband got me a heating pad, I found a somewhat comfortable position, and I fell asleep.

The next morning, I couldn’t move. I tried to get out of bed myself. Not happening.

I’ve struggled with back pain in the past, and all the doctors do is give you muscle relaxers and pain meds. I hate how I feel on both. I hesitated to go to the ER, but I had to make a decision before my husband left for work. So to the ER we went.

I’m thankful that this was a brand new clinic, and I was the only patient. I got a lot of attention.

First, they ordered a urine test–thinking I had a kidney stone. No kidney stone. But there was blood in my urine, so they asked if I was diabetic. “No.”

Then they asked if they could prick my finger. “Ok. Just get me some pain meds asap.”

My blood sugar came back at 286. Are you sure you’re not diabetic? “Pretty sure.”

So then they asked to take my A1C. Results: 12.9. Many of you reading likely know what that means, but I didn’t at the time.

I got my pain meds, muscle relaxers, and then went home to google a primary care doctor who would refer me to an endocrinologist…who took my insurance and would also see me right away.

A few days and a couple doctor visits later, I was officially a Type 1 Diabetic.

At first I was in denial. I seriously questioned whether or not I had diabetes for the first couple of weeks. Were the doctors wrong? I had just spent a week in Europe eating like a beer-drinking German obsessed with fondue and pretzels. And then spent a week in Italy pigging out on delicious filled pastas. And then came back to a party at work by eating the largest pizza I’ve ever seen and tasting a bit of each cake celebrating 1 million Facebook fans. My blood sugars were just out of whack, right?

But after the third doctor, I started to believe them.

Then I was angry. At the world. I couldn’t talk about it without tears forming. For months. I didn’t know what to freakin’ eat, so I was hangry. And I was pissed that I was 30 and just diagnosed with an auto-immune disease. Plus I’m terrified of needles. Why me!?

Seriously. I was crazy. My sweet husband got me medical ID bracelets for my birthday (three months after my diagnosis), and I lost it in the restaurant. I couldn’t stop crying. He took them and hid them. I had to convince him just last month to give them back to me.

When I look back before D Day, I see symptoms that I previously passed off as stressed and tired. I would eat dinner and fall asleep on the couch. I was always thirsty…and hungry. I had to pee all the time. (This was an issue in Europe…There were some really close calls trying to find public restrooms. Yikes!) And one night in Italy during a three course pasta meal, even two double shots of espresso couldn’t keep me awake. I had to excuse myself from a work dinner to go for a walk. (Now which I know sounds super dangerous…)

And after more than 8 months past D Day, I’m finally evolving into Diabadass mode. That’s me rocking my Omnipod, Dexcom G5, and Grif Grips. But it’s been a journey.

I thank God for the two weeks of TOTAL pig out before I was diagnosed. I also thank God that I fell in love and married a clinical pharmacist. Oh, the scripts and needles and devices. He is a Godsend.

And the reality is that doctors will never be able to tell me how long I’ve been diabetic or where it came from. I’m the first diagnosed Type 1 Diabetic in my family.  I’m finally getting over not having the answers to both these questions.

I’m learning how to workout again while managing my blood sugar lows. Figuring out how to eat again. And I’m so much better with needles. (Still getting over the Dexcom insertion. Husband still does that one…)

I’d love for you to join me on this journey. Sharing what I eat. How I travel (bag issues, am I right!?). And being there for each others’ questions. I have a ton, and I’m sure others do too.

Fellow Diabetes Friends, please visit the forum. Ask questions, leave comments. I would love to hear from you. We’re in this together! #type1strong